2005

new year, same room, slightly different girl. #

I woke up at an hour I am absolutely not going to publish because I would like to preserve at least a little dignity for 2005, and the first thing I saw was my dress hanging from the chair, which means I apparently came home responsible enough to hang it instead of throwing it on the floor. Personal growth. One earring is missing, though, so don’t worry, I’m still me. Last night was beautiful, one of those nights that starts with everybody looking far too polished and ends with ruined hair, painful feet and somebody trying to work out where their coat went. Dinner first, drinks, music, too many people, then that ridiculous moment before midnight when suddenly everybody who has ignored clocks for six hours becomes obsessed with the exact second. Yuri was beside me when midnight arrived and leaned closer because obviously nobody could hear anything and said, “Happy New Year, Bambolina.” I immediately remembered him saying almost exactly the same thing last year and told him. He said, “I know.” I don’t know if he genuinely remembered or if this was an emergency boyfriend answer, but I’ve decided to accept the romantic interpretation because it’s January 1st and I am generous.

Mom asked me this afternoon what I want from 2005 while I was standing in the kitchen looking like somebody who had recently survived a minor natural disaster. Horrible timing for an existential question. I said “money” and she laughed, but actually I was only half joking because I’ve been thinking about finding a job. Not some enormous this is what I shall do with my life declaration, calm down, I’m twenty. I just want something that’s mine. My hours, my money, people I don’t already know, something that forces me into a routine which doesn’t revolve around going out, shopping, Yuri, trains, music and deciding what colour the blog should be next month. I haven’t written about it because whenever I write something here it becomes approximately 70% more real and then I’m forced to admit I actually said it.

So. 2005 objective: find a job. Second objective: stop buying shoes that are obviously designed by men who hate feet. The second objective is already in danger because I saw a pair yesterday and unfortunately they are perfect.

currently playing: Daft Punk, One More Time

Remember me, Eclipse.