genova lost this weekend

every yes seems to create a no somewhere else lately. #

Dad asked if I’m coming tomorrow and I said no. Again. I don’t particularly like seeing that written down because it makes it look as though I don’t want to see him, which isn’t true at all. Weekends have just changed without anybody announcing that they were going to change. When I was younger weekend and Genova were practically the same word. Train, Dad, sea, Tia, focaccia, maybe church, then back to Milano. Now Friday and Saturday here have their own gravity. Somebody is always organising something, Yuri is here, Hikari is here, there are nights I actually want to go to, and taking the train means choosing not to do all of that. Dad just said `”Come when you can.”` No drama, no guilt trip, which naturally makes me feel guiltier than if he had complained for twenty minutes.

I’m going out tonight and tomorrow. Yes, I see how that looks. But maybe being nineteen also means your life starts rearranging itself around you before you’ve properly decided whether you approve. I don’t want Genova to become `”when I have nothing else to do”` because Dad deserves better than that and because I love going there. I just need to stop pretending every weekend can contain two cities and a Saturday night. I’ll go soon. And if next Friday I write that I changed my mind again, everybody has permission to insult me.

Remember me, Eclipse.