There is a manner in which certain things ask to be written, not so that they may be found, but because to exist in silence, for too long, eventually becomes insufficient. It is not urgency. It is something closer to a necessity that makes no noise, waiting patiently until it discovers the proper form. This archive was born in such a way.
Not as a diary. Not as a blog. Not as something that is updated merely for the sake of appearing alive. It is a place where certain thoughts come to rest, those which do not dissolve, those which return, those which insist with the silent obstinacy of things that truly belong to you...
the moment a holiday fantasy encounters vacancies and requirements # Jobs in the Netherlands. We looked. Properly. Not just «what sort of work exists?» but actual vacancies, requirements, locations, languages....
this title is intentionally unfair and should not be used as evidence # Pro: everything else. Not literally. Milan lawyers may stand down. I am in a mood. Remember me,...
because apparently feelings become respectable once placed in two columns # Pros and cons. We made the list. Some entries are serious. Work opportunities, language, cost, distance from family, housing,...
not versus. slash. I am insisting on the slash # Milan / Amsterdam. Not Milan versus Amsterdam. I don’t want a winner. Milan has family, language, history, our house, work,...
the problem is not writer’s block, it is traffic # Too many things to say, none ready. Moving. Not moving. Work. Family. Language. Fear. Excitement. Guilt. Curiosity. Milan. Amsterdam. Money....
nothing extraordinary, mood good anyway # Good day. Work went smoothly. Mom made me laugh. Dinner worked. Yuri kissed me in the kitchen while I was looking for something and...
one thought fires another and suddenly you’re researching tax numbers at midnight # Neuron X: Amsterdam holiday leads to missing Amsterdam leads to Dutch words leads to housing leads to...
I am typing this slowly because once a sentence exists it becomes harder to pretend you never thought it # Maybe it isn’t hypothetical anymore. Maybe. That is not an...
what do we actually need to be happy somewhere, not merely impressed by it? # Needs. Work we can live with. A home that feels safe. Enough money not to...
hypothetically is beginning to look tired # Moving, hypothetically. What do you take? What do you leave? What happens to furniture? Computers? Clothes? The house? Work? Family? Cats, if cats...
two people at a kitchen table quietly turning a fantasy into questions # We did numbers again tonight. Properly. Not because we are moving. I know how ridiculous that sentence...
weather is charming when it is happening to somebody else’s coat # Amsterdam rain on the weather page. Milan rain outside our actual window. I compared them. Yuri threatened to...
Why?
Because every thought leaves a trace. If something moved you, disturbed you, softened you, or made you think, leave it here, quietly.