There is a manner in which certain things ask to be written, not so that they may be found, but because to exist in silence, for too long, eventually becomes insufficient. It is not urgency. It is something closer to a necessity that makes no noise, waiting patiently until it discovers the proper form. This archive was born in such a way.
Not as a diary. Not as a blog. Not as something that is updated merely for the sake of appearing alive. It is a place where certain thoughts come to rest, those which do not dissolve, those which return, those which insist with the silent obstinacy of things that truly belong to you...
everybody exhausted, nobody converted, dessert delayed # Political arguments often end exactly where they began, except louder. This is not an argument against disagreement. Disagreement matters. But if everybody enters...
there are subjects that turn pasta cold while everybody explains democracy at increasing volume # Politics at dinner. Bad idea. Not because politics is unimportant. The opposite. Because the moment...
geography has become crowded # Nashville in headphones, Amsterdam in head, Milan outside the window, Genova somewhere southwest with Dad probably asleep by now. Apparently home can become plural before...
slash again. still refusing versus # Italy / Netherlands. Italy is not the mistake and the Netherlands the correction. I need that written because simplistic stories are seductive. We are...
milan’s day, which feels especially milanese now that I am contemplating leaving # Sant’Ambrogio. Milan dressed in its own traditions today and I felt everything more sharply because of what...
learning a country means discovering its calendar does not match yours # Sinterklaas. I have been reading about Dutch December traditions because apparently language study now includes seasonal homework. The...
nine years # Nine years today. December 5, 2001 to December 5, 2010. Nine years. I keep saying it because the number is ridiculous. I was seventeen. He has known...
apparently our kitchen has been serving as a boardroom without informing us # Decisions made in kitchens. Move in together? Kitchen conversation. Netherlands? Kitchen conversation. Perhaps tables make frightening things...
the phrase next year no longer means an abstract calendar # Next year. Documents. Work. Dutch. Money. House decisions. Timing. Telling people. The phrase has become heavy with nouns. Remember...
next year has acquired a direction # 2011. Netherlands. I typed both words beside each other in my notebook tonight. Then closed it because my heart started behaving stupidly. Remember...
beautiful can be true and still not be the final answer # But it isn’t enough. Not because Milan lacks something measurable. Because we want to try. That sentence is...
this matters more now, not less # Milan is still beautiful. I walked today and almost wanted to apologize to it, which is insane. The Duomo did not accuse me...
Why?
Because every thought leaves a trace. If something moved you, disturbed you, softened you, or made you think, leave it here, quietly.