Starting to Look Around
there is a moment after staring at one closed door when you notice the rest of the room still exists # I have started looking around again. Not metaphorically at...
Essence & Future
ECLIXAR
digital diary
Journal.
fragments of quiet intelligence
There is a manner in which certain things ask to be written, not so that they may be found, but because to exist in silence, for too long, eventually becomes insufficient. It is not urgency. It is something closer to a necessity that makes no noise, waiting patiently until it discovers the proper form. This archive was born in such a way.
Not as a diary. Not as a blog. Not as something that is updated merely for the sake of appearing alive. It is a place where certain thoughts come to rest, those which do not dissolve, those which return, those which insist with the silent obstinacy of things that truly belong to you...
Every article is a scene. Every word, a frame of something that would not have remained, had it not
been writtenFrom the archive.
Questions & Musings
Things That Are Hard to Explain
the problem with explaining feelings is that the explanation immediately makes them look tidier than they are # Some things are difficult to explain because the moment you put them...
History & Places
A Night on the Navigli
there are still too many people, drinks cost too much and somehow this is comforting # Navigli tonight. I went out. Properly. Not an early dinner followed by a careful...
Music & Sound
Country Music Is a Terrible Idea
roads, homes, leaving, missing people: congratulations nashville, you found every available nerve # Country music is a terrible idea. I knew this already and did it anyway. Put on Johnny...
Questions & Musings
Things That Can Still Make Me Laugh
excellent news: my sense of humour survived and remains unfortunately mean # Things can still make me laugh. This is reassuring, especially because my sense of humour has apparently returned...
Affinity & Heart
Dinner in the Centre
dinner is apparently easier when somebody else decides where and I only have to choose pasta # Dinner in the centre with Yuri. Proper clothes, actual makeup, perfume, boots. I...
Affinity & Heart
He Took Me Out
not kidnapped, despite my initial attitude # He took me out. Against my dramatic objections, although technically I agreed, so the kidnapping case is weak. Yuri arrived and said, «Get...
Affinity & Heart
Yuri
some people help by talking, some people help by knowing when to shut up and bring water # Yuri. Just Yuri tonight because I don’t think I have written enough...
Crisis & Rebirth
It Doesn’t Mean I’m Fine
clean clothes are not a psychological diagnosis # It doesn’t mean I’m fine. Apparently this needs saying because once you start answering messages and wearing makeup again people decide the...
Body & Energy
I’m Functioning
apparently functioning is not the same thing as being fine, but it does involve clean hair # I’m functioning. This deserves documentation because last week showering felt like an administrative...
Body & Energy
The Monday Morning Mixture
coffee, mascara, mild resentment and the strange relief of having somewhere to be # Monday morning mixture: coffee, too little sleep, mascara applied with more confidence than I feel, clean...
Journey & Time
Sundays That Last Too Long
sunday has always been twenty four hours but this one is clearly cheating # Sundays last too long when you are trying not to think. Weekdays have machinery. Work tells...
Why?
Because every thought leaves a trace. If something moved you, disturbed you, softened you, or made you think, leave it here, quietly.