The Quiet House
the house isn’t actually quieter, I am just hearing it differently # The house feels quiet. It isn’t. Mom talks on the phone. Doors close. Water runs. People outside exist...
Memory & Time
ECLIXAR
digital diary
Journal.
fragments of quiet intelligence
There is a manner in which certain things ask to be written, not so that they may be found, but because to exist in silence, for too long, eventually becomes insufficient. It is not urgency. It is something closer to a necessity that makes no noise, waiting patiently until it discovers the proper form. This archive was born in such a way.
Not as a diary. Not as a blog. Not as something that is updated merely for the sake of appearing alive. It is a place where certain thoughts come to rest, those which do not dissolve, those which return, those which insist with the silent obstinacy of things that truly belong to you...
Every article is a scene. Every word, a frame of something that would not have remained, had it not
been writtenFrom the archive.
Memory & Time
Eight Years
eight years can be both enormous and almost nothing depending on what memory is measuring # Eight years since September 11, 2001. I was seventeen. That fact alone feels impossible....
Body & Energy
I Didn’t Go Out
apparently saying no to plans is allowed and the nightlife police have not arrived yet # I didn’t go out again. There was an invitation. I considered it for approximately...
Questions & Musings
Night Thoughts
nothing intelligent has ever happened after two in the morning inside my head and yet the meetings continue # Night thoughts should require a licence. Daytime thoughts at least have...
Body & Energy
Normal Things That Seem Difficult
shower, work, food, email, laundry: apparently today’s olympic programme # Normal things seem difficult, which is irritating because I am very good at normal things. Showering should not require negotiation....
Memory & Time
The Living Room
rooms become different when you start using them at hours you were never supposed to see them # I have spent more time in the living room this week than...
Affinity & Heart
I Cried Again
I thought I was done for the day and apparently my face had other administrative plans # I cried again. No interesting reason. That is the annoying part. Nothing happened....
Questions & Musings
Saturday
it turns out saturday arrives even if you have made absolutely no plans for it # Saturday. That’s the title because I don’t have another one. Usually Saturday has architecture....
Body & Energy
I Don’t Feel Like It
not sad enough for a tragedy, not energetic enough for trousers with buttons # I don’t feel like it. Anything, basically. I don’t feel like going out, getting dressed properly,...
Questions & Musings
Late-Night TV Shows
television after two in the morning is proof that nobody expects good decisions from the awake # Late night television is another country. I had forgotten this because normally if...
Body & Energy
I Didn’t Sleep
I know exactly what my ceiling looks like at 02:13, 03:46 and 05:08 now # I didn’t sleep. Maybe forty minutes here and there, but that is not sleep, that...
Memory & Time
I Have Nothing Else to Say
I have been writing all year and suddenly language has become completely useless # I have nothing else to say. That is obviously a lie because I have already opened...
Why?
Because every thought leaves a trace. If something moved you, disturbed you, softened you, or made you think, leave it here, quietly.