salary mathematics

earning money has unfortunately made spending it feel morally defensible. #

I have discovered the worst consequence of having a job. Every time I want to buy something, my brain now says “but you worked for it.” This is financially catastrophic. Before there was at least a little internal argument. Do I need it? Is it stupid? Should I wait? Now I look at a top and calculate approximately how many hours downstairs it represents, and if the number doesn’t horrify me sufficiently I somehow interpret that as permission.

Bought a perfume today. Not Angel. I KNOW. Calm down. Angel isn’t going anywhere. Angel is Mom’s scarf in the hallway, coats, Christmas, being younger, home. I just wanted something I picked entirely by myself without a memory already attached to it. Something lighter, cleaner, less sweet. I sprayed it on my wrist, walked around for an hour, kept smelling it and went back.

Mom smelled it immediately when I came home. `”New?”` Yes. She said she likes it. Then, after approximately two seconds, `”I still prefer Angel on you.”`

Of course she does.

current financial strategy: earn money / smell perfume / lose money

Remember me, Eclipse.