Eleven Years
Eleven years and he still calls me Bambolina as if seventeen never completely left the room. # Eleven years with Yuri. December 5, 2001 to December 5, 2012. I can...
Affinity & Heart
ECLIXAR
digital diary
Journal.
fragments of quiet intelligence
There is a manner in which certain things ask to be written, not so that they may be found, but because to exist in silence, for too long, eventually becomes insufficient. It is not urgency. It is something closer to a necessity that makes no noise, waiting patiently until it discovers the proper form. This archive was born in such a way.
Not as a diary. Not as a blog. Not as something that is updated merely for the sake of appearing alive. It is a place where certain thoughts come to rest, those which do not dissolve, those which return, those which insist with the silent obstinacy of things that truly belong to you...
Every article is a scene. Every word, a frame of something that would not have remained, had it not
been writtenFrom the archive.
Memory & Time
A Year and Twelve Days
November leaves quietly this time. I am glad. # Last November changed everything. This November confirmed it. There is a difference. One is movement, the other is roots. Tomorrow December....
Traditions & Culture
Almost December
Lights appearing in windows again, and this time I know what Amsterdam looks like on the other side of winter. # Almost December. Lights. Shops changing. Cold evenings. I love...
Journey & Time
One Year in the Netherlands
A year ago I arrived with a life packed into decisions. Tonight I know where the spare batteries are. # One year. One entire year living in the Netherlands. I...
Music & Sound
Music for Winter
Cold evenings require warmer music until approximately ten, when I apparently become a gabber again. # Country first tonight. Carrie, Alison, Emmylou, some older things, then electronic, then hardcore because...
Affinity & Heart
Eleven Years With Yuri Approaching
Long love stops looking like a story from the inside. It looks like knowing which mug the other person will reach for. # December fifth will be eleven years. Eleven....
Memory & Time
November Again
The month that used to mean departure now means anniversary. # November. Last November I could barely separate excitement from fear. Every day had an edge. This November I went...
Journey & Time
October Ends
Cold glass, warm room, November waiting on the other side of midnight. # October ends. I am at the computer in socks, tea finished, four biscuit crumbs on the plate...
Journey & Time
Saturday in Amsterdam
No itinerary. No list. No reason to photograph the obvious things. This is my favourite Amsterdam now. # Saturday. Coffee late. Walked around. Shopping a little. I bought something I...
Memory & Time
One Year Since We Decided
There is always a day before the life-changing day when you are still somebody who hasn’t done it yet. # Around this time last year the Netherlands stopped being conversation...
Affinity & Heart
Rain on the Windows
Rain outside, dinner inside, nowhere else I particularly wanted to be. # Rain against the tall windows tonight. I love the sound from inside this house. Yuri cooked part of...
Journey & Time
October
Coats again, boots again, darker mornings, and somehow I am pleased about all of it. # October. Boots back in proper rotation. Coat. Scarves. Perfume behaves differently in cold air...
Why?
Because every thought leaves a trace. If something moved you, disturbed you, softened you, or made you think, leave it here, quietly.