Straight People

E. Says Straight People Invent Problems for Sport #

Today E. spent twenty straight minutes explaining why heterosexual couples are “structurally addicted to confusion.” Honestly one of his calmer opinions. We were sitting near the courtyard during lunch while two people from our class silently fought without acknowledging they were fighting.

Classic.

“She wants him jealous,” E. whispered immediately.
“He wants her nervous. Neither will say anything directly. By Friday somebody cries.”

Terrifyingly accurate.

The thing about E. is that he studies people like a sarcastic scientist. Especially relationships. At one point he looked at me very seriously and said: “You romanticize suffering too much.”

Excuse me?
Rude.

Then five minutes later: “To be fair, so do most attractive intelligent girls.” Recovery attempt accepted.

School feels emotionally louder lately. January exhaustion maybe. Everyone looks pale and irritated and secretly desperate for spring despite it being impossibly far away. Meanwhile E. continues existing with complete confidence while half the boys in school still behave like emotional hostages to masculinity.

Honestly exhausting for them.

After classes we stopped near a record shop and he spent fifteen minutes criticizing men’s fashion choices with terrifying precision.

“You know what straight boys need? TEXTURE!”

I nearly died laughing in the street.

STRAIGHT PEOPLE.
Remember me,
Eclipse