There is a manner in which certain things ask to be written, not so that they may be found, but because to exist in silence, for too long, eventually becomes insufficient. It is not urgency. It is something closer to a necessity that makes no noise, waiting patiently until it discovers the proper form. This archive was born in such a way.
Not as a diary. Not as a blog. Not as something that is updated merely for the sake of appearing alive. It is a place where certain thoughts come to rest, those which do not dissolve, those which return, those which insist with the silent obstinacy of things that truly belong to you...
Professional update: survived. Dignity mostly intact. # I didn’t die. I also haven’t heard anything because it is Sunday and apparently employers refuse to organise their schedules around my anxiety....
Yesterday I sold my professional competence in a language I did not grow up speaking. Today I am allowing myself to be proud of that. # In English. Entirely. Yesterday...
I wore the boots that make me feel competent. This is not evidence-based but neither is half of confidence. # Interview. Web/digital. I won’t name the company because I would...
A beautiful house does not make uncertainty disappear. It only gives uncertainty nicer windows. # Today was difficult. No catastrophe. I almost wish difficulty required catastrophe because then you could...
2011 began with Amsterdam sitting on a desktop and ends with the Netherlands outside my window. I don’t know what to do with that except write it down. # Six...
Six weeks is long enough to develop habits and nowhere near long enough to know what any of this means. # Almost six weeks here. People keep asking how it...
Our first Christmas with a Dutch address. I still don’t quite believe the sentence belongs to us. # Christmas. Our first with a Dutch address. I am tired, full, grateful...
The table changes. The people you love do not become less yours because the room is different. # Christmas Eve. Different. That is the word. Not worse, not better, not...
Christmas decorations look familiar everywhere until you realise the family table you know is in another country. # Christmas is coming and this is the first time homesickness has become...
I would like to formally request additional daylight. Please direct me to the appropriate ministry. # The darkness. My God. I knew. Everyone said. Research said. Latitude said. Science said....
An Italian woman listening to American country in the Netherlands while dating the same man since 2001. Identity remains extremely organised. # Country tonight. Dolly, Alison Krauss, a little Carrie...
Video calls are miracles right until the call ends and the room becomes quiet again. # Mom on a screen. Dad on a screen at another time. Friends appearing inside...
Why?
Because every thought leaves a trace. If something moved you, disturbed you, softened you, or made you think, leave it here, quietly.