Ten Years
Ten years ago there was no house, no Netherlands, no spreadsheet, no idea how much life could fit between two people. There was only us beginning. # Ten years. Yuri...
Affinity & Heart
ECLIXAR
digital diary
Journal.
fragments of quiet intelligence
There is a manner in which certain things ask to be written, not so that they may be found, but because to exist in silence, for too long, eventually becomes insufficient. It is not urgency. It is something closer to a necessity that makes no noise, waiting patiently until it discovers the proper form. This archive was born in such a way.
Not as a diary. Not as a blog. Not as something that is updated merely for the sake of appearing alive. It is a place where certain thoughts come to rest, those which do not dissolve, those which return, those which insist with the silent obstinacy of things that truly belong to you...
Every article is a scene. Every word, a frame of something that would not have remained, had it not
been writtenFrom the archive.
Journey & Time
December
The first full month begins here, and Milano already feels simultaneously yesterday and very far away. # December. Our first full month here. The light is different. The cold feels...
Essence & Future
One Week in Another Country
Nothing feels normal yet, but a few things have stopped feeling impossible. # Just over a week. That is nothing. It feels like a month and an hour. I know...
Journey & Time
Three Days
Foreignness is mostly discovering that you don’t know which supermarket version of an ordinary object to buy. # Three days. I am exhausted by ordinary tasks. This is the part...
Journey & Time
Netherlands
I kept expecting arrival to feel like a conclusion. It feels like standing at the beginning of a sentence. # Netherlands. We are here. I don’t know how to write...
Journey & Time
The Night Before
Everything I need is packed except the part of me that still believes tomorrow is an ordinary Tuesday. # The night before. There. Now the Internet can know. Tomorrow we...
Affinity & Heart
Goodbye Is a Terrible Word
I prefer “see you soon” even when I know language cannot negotiate distance. # Goodbye is a terrible word. Too final, too theatrical, too much like a door with a...
Traditions & Culture
Four Biscuits
I packed tea and then laughed because apparently I believe the Netherlands has never encountered it. # Tea at five today. Four biscuits. I looked at them and almost cried,...
Memory & Time
Eleven Eleven Eleven
11/11/11 looks like a date designed by somebody who enjoys patterns more than meaning. Unfortunately I am that somebody. # 11/11/11. Of course I had to post. Numbers behaving aesthetically....
Memory & Time
My Last Weeks at the Salon
I thought leaving work would feel professional. It feels embarrassingly personal. # The salon is becoming painful in tiny ways. Regulars hearing the news. Somebody saying she will miss me....
Journey & Time
November
The month arrived without asking whether I was emotionally prepared. Typical. # November. The month that began as Yuri being provocative in June is now happening around me. I keep...
Memory & Time
October Ends
Tomorrow I can no longer say “next month” without meaning this month. # October ends. The clocks changed, evenings are darker, the house has boxes without looking packed, my job...
Why?
Because every thought leaves a trace. If something moved you, disturbed you, softened you, or made you think, leave it here, quietly.