There is a manner in which certain things ask to be written, not so that they may be found, but because to exist in silence, for too long, eventually becomes insufficient. It is not urgency. It is something closer to a necessity that makes no noise, waiting patiently until it discovers the proper form. This archive was born in such a way.
Not as a diary. Not as a blog. Not as something that is updated merely for the sake of appearing alive. It is a place where certain thoughts come to rest, those which do not dissolve, those which return, those which insist with the silent obstinacy of things that truly belong to you...
I appreciate your English. I am also trying to learn your Dutch. Please allow me to suffer a little. # The problem with Dutch people speaking English well is that...
Code does not care about my accent. This may be why I find it restful. # Thank God for technical work. I spent enough of today thinking about language, accents,...
A broken layout speaks an international language: why the hell are you doing that. # CSS is universal. Browser differences are universal. The moment when a page looks perfect in...
Pi Day survived immigration. Naturally. # 3.14. π. I refuse to become too busy and adult for this. Numbers are still beautiful when nobody asks them to be practical. Work...
Second day and I have already identified the coffee machine as critical infrastructure. # Web, coffee, repeat. Less overwhelming today because at least I knew which door I was entering....
I came home with a headache, six new names in my head and the unmistakable feeling that I made the right choice. # First Monday. First proper workday in the...
I keep saying it because yesterday it belonged to the future and today it belongs to me. # I have a job. I spent today buying absolutely nothing necessary for...
The email began normally and then my hands stopped behaving normally. # Got it. I GOT IT. The job. Web/digital. Amsterdam. English-speaking enough to begin, international enough that I will...
I have never wanted to be “a woman who happens to understand code.” I would prefer simply to understand the bloody code. # International Women’s Day and I have been...
Sometimes confidence is just anxiety wearing better shoes and continuing anyway. # I have spent years assuming confident people feel confident. Increasingly I suspect this is propaganda. Yesterday I sounded...
There is something deeply unnatural about watching strangers inspect work you remember making alone at one in the morning. # Portfolio review. Screens. Questions. Why this. How did you do...
The second interview is worse because now you know they might actually want you. # Second interview arranged. Different energy immediately. The first one asks whether you belong in the...
Why?
Because every thought leaves a trace. If something moved you, disturbed you, softened you, or made you think, leave it here, quietly.